Saturday, April 28, 2012


One of the greatest challenges in the adoption process is coming up with the money needed to fund an adoption.  We have been working hard to come up with what we need to bring Beckett home, but are still short.  If you feel compelled to donate to our cause, I've just made it much easier to do so.  There is now a "chip-in" button on the right side of my blog which provides a secure way to donate online.  Whether you choose to donate or not, we would most of all appreciate prayers that we are able to bring Beckett home soon!  Thank you for being a part of our adoption journey!!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I thought I knew...

Caysen was the easiest baby ever when we first brought him home from Taiwan!  In fact, he slept most of the 14 hour flight from Taiwan to LA and didn't cry once!  We could lay him in his bed, and he would go right to sleep.  He hardly ever cried and was almost always happy and content.  Of course we had a host of extra stuff to deal with like dr. appointments, medical tests, therapies, and feeding issues.  Still, he was an easy baby.

Then one day, Caysen turned two and he wasn't so easy anymore.  Our boy is a little firecracker and so much fun...but believe me when I say he wears me out some days.  The child is determined and stubborn!  When he wants something, he wants it and there is no distracting or redirecting him.  If I tell him no, a full-blown tantrum is sure to follow. He throws himself back and screams flopping around on the floor which is pretty awkward, especially when we're in public. ;) 

As far as bed time is concerned, he is not a fan of sleeping in his crib and I usually fall asleep laying next to his crib before he finally gives up and calls it a night.  If I don't sit next to his crib waiting for him to fall asleep, he rocks and bangs his head against the side of his crib. Hard.  He has been known to wiggle the screws loose with his rocking.  The boy has me trained well.  He is very much attached to his Mama.  He prefers I don't ever leave his sight.  I secretly kind of like this, but it can be a challenge in certain situations.  On the flip side, someone else might be holding him and when I go to take him back, he screams and clings to the other person as if I am some kind of monster.  It was awesome when he did this with one of the nurses at the feeding clinic.  They were already doubting my parenting abilities so that was a nice way to end our appointment. ;)

All I can say is becoming a parent is humbling.  Everything I thought my child would never do, he has done.  Many things I thought I would never do as a parent, I've found to be the only option I have if I wish to keep my sanity.  Being Caysen's Mama is the absolute best thing in the world, but I just want to paint an honest picture for other mamas out there who may be doubting themselves and wondering why their kiddos aren't perfect and happy all the time.  Parenting is such an amazing and wonderful gift, but it most certainly comes with challenges, frustrations, and a nice dose of humility.
I can't wait to see what kinds of lessons we will learn from our sweet Baby Beckett!!


Saturday, April 7, 2012

Embracing Our Journey

I've been thinking a lot lately about the road life has taken.  There have been beautiful highs and devastating lows.  But, when I look back over the years, I see what a blessing it ALL has been.  If Lance and I hadn't had the rough patches in our relationship, we wouldn't appreciate the strong and beautiful relationship that has developed between us.  If we hadn't gone through infertility, we wouldn't have Caysen (and soon Beckett too, Lord willing).  Let me assure you that I am so thankful for the twists and turns that led us to the blessings of adoption.

As I've been thinking through all of this, I've realized that this is OUR  journey and no one elses.  Like snowflakes, each person's journey is unique and beautiful in it's own way.  It doesn't have to fit into a mold or follow a specific path to be "good enough" or worthy of being called a blessing.  God leads us down a path allowing us to choose whether to take the fork to the left or the fork to the right.  We may choose differently from others around us, but that's ok.  Differences are part of the beauty in life.

I think of Caysen's journey too and how unique and amazing it has been.  He was born 3 MONTHS too early and many expected him to die.  Today, he is a happy little boy who charms everyone he meets.  He can throw a toddler tantrum with the best of them when he doesn't get his way, sometimes I think he can work my phone better than I can, he loves his dogs "Wee" (Zoey) and "Ka" (Max), he knows that cows say moo and horses say neigh,  as far as he's concerned, life wouldn't be complete without his "kee" (blankey), and he makes the cutest scrunchy face on the planet.  Some specialists want him to have all of the traits and abilities of a typical 2 1/2 year old (whatever that is), but we love him exactly the way he is right now.  When we realized he was meant to be a part of our family, we knew there were many uncertainties about his future.  But, we accepted those uncertainties and decided right then and there that we would love him through it all.  Maybe he's a little peanut, and maybe he's not walking or doing other "normal" 2-year-old things, but we think he is perfect just the way he is.  How could we possibly wish anything away when he brings us so much joy every. single. day. 

With all of that being said, I'm thankful for the painful memories just as I am thankful for the happy memories.  I am thankful for every piece of the puzzle that has led us to where we are and will lead us where we are going.  I am finding peace and gratitude in knowing that our journey may not look like someone else's, but that doesn't make it any less beautiful.