I Will Be a "Different" Mother

I found this poem online a while back and it says it better than I ever could:

There are women who become mothers without effort
without thought, without patience, or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or
because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have
appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their
dreams.

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to
the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold
and feed him and that I am not waking to take another
temperature, pop another pill, take another shot, or cry
tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me
this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon
my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child
that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am
a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor,
friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know dillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my
own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many
never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from
their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I seet it,
mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it
less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand
holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they
learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking
in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

-Author Unknown

The only thing I would change is that in the beginning, it says "I will be a better mother" and I wouldn't necessarily say it like that, because I know some WONDERFUL mothers who didn't go through what Lance and I have. Instead, I think I would say "I will be a different mother." I will have a different perspective than I would have, had we not gone through everything we did, but I don't necessarily think it will make me better than other mothers out there who didn't go through the same things, just better than I would have otherwise been.

And I also must give credit to God. Yes, I prevailed, I succeeded, I won (or at least we're getting there)...but only because of God.

2010

Dear God,
I am hoping and praying that 2010 is the year that we get to meet the baby you have chosen for us; but if it's not, I will wait :)

Let the Fun Begin!

We are at a point in our adoption process where we just get to relax and have a little fun. Our home-study is completed and we are just waiting for our referral so we can take it easy for a while. We had planned on purchasing one or two items a month over the next several months so we don't have to buy everything all at once. After last week, we especially felt like we should start getting prepared:

It's a long story, but we almost ended up getting a baby the week of Christmas. In the end, the birth-mother chose a family who lived closer to her geographically (she was in another state), but we were thisclose to welcoming a baby into our family. It would have been amazing and I still wonder what life would be like with that little girl, but I definitely feel like it worked out how it was meant to and I feel very much at peace with it all. I will just continue to trust that God has a plan and has picked out the perfect baby to be a part of our family. None the less, it got Lance and I thinking that we should probably start getting prepared.

While we were in Ft. Collins, we got to make our first few purchases. They have a Babies R Us, so my sister-in-law and I decided to check it out the day after Christmas. BRU just happened to be having a killer sale and many of the things I liked were 40% off, so we ended up being able to get three things with the money I've been setting aside for baby items. Here are pictures of our new and exciting purchases:

This is definitely part of the experience that I don't want to miss out on. Obviously, we don't have a "due date", but we know that we will get our baby eventually, so we can just enjoy preparing for baby :)

Oh So Pretty!

We went to my brother and sister-in-law's for Christmas and had a great time. We sang Christmas Carols around the piano on Christmas Eve and we opened presents and had a beautiful meal with family on Christmas day.

Jen's Mom on the piano, and John on the guitar:

















This is my sister-in-law's magazine worthy Christmas table decor:















































Jen is just so crafty! Everything turned out perfect!!
















And Christmas wouldn't be complete without a little snow. This picture was actually taken at my parents house, but the view at John and Jen's was similar:

Thanksgiving Pics.

Quick Update

Thanksgiving was wonderful and I will post with pictures soon, but for now, I'm just going to give a quick adoption update.

Completed:
Applied with agency (this was a lot of work in itself)
Applied with His Hands Taiwan
Requested extra copies of birth certificates and marriage license
Mailed copies of birth certificates and marriage license to agency
Colorado Fingerprinting/Background Check
Child proofed house
Made any changes to house necessary to be acceptable to social worker
Completed all 3 meetings with social worker
Leslie-Physical form completed and all but one lab test done
Started 8 hour "With Eyes Wide Open" online training
Lance-got physical and lab work done
Leslie- got final lab test done

Here is what we have left:
Complete 8 hour "With Eyes Wide Open" training
Complete 16 hour Core training
Complete First Aid/CPR/Infant Care class
Get federal finger prints done
Go Pick Up Our Baby!!!

The list keeps getting shorter. We have decided to submit an application to another ministry in Taiwan (Home of God's Love), just as a back up plan. One thing we have been told several times through the process is to open as many doors as possible because you just never know what is meant to happen. I have requested the application and we are working on getting it ready to send off. It should be completed and notarized by the first of next week.

A Little Woozy...

Today, Lance and I went in for our TB Skin tests which is one of the requirements when adopting. I don't do well with blood-tests, etc. and today was no exception. For those of you who have not had the pleasure of getting a TB Test done, they inject fluid into the top layer of skin which makes a nice little bubble in your arm. I chose to go first because I knew it would not be wise to watch them inject Lance and then have to step up.
Unfortunately, there were a couple of decisions I made that caused my body to fail me. The first mistake I made was not going to the appointment on a full stomach; the second mistake was looking at the previously mentioned bump. Needless to say, I turned as white as a ghost. Lance knows that I tend to get queezy when it comes to these type of things, and was chuckling at my pasty, clammy, nauseated self. He knows that I will regain my color eventually and there's no need to worry. I did give the nurse a scare however. She was rushing around to find an ice pack and juice in hopes of keeping me from ending up on the floor(yes, this has happened to me before, but I'll save that for another time). After some time passed, I decided to try my luck at walking. I made it as far as the waiting area and had to sit down again to avoid involuntarily laying down. After another few minutes, Lance and I made it to the car and things started to get better. I feel fine now, but I can tell you that it wasn't the most enjoyable experience I've ever had. The good news, Lance and I can both laugh about it and maybe you will too :)