February 24th, 2010

I've had a small handful of "best days" of my life. Yesterday was definitely a "best day." It actually started with a picture and prayer request we received back on December 22nd:

This little baby boy, who they affectionately called "Buttons" needed our prayers. He was born at 27 weeks gestation and suffered complications due to his premature birth. Initially, things looked pretty grim for this little guy and so His Hands asked if we would pray on his behalf.

We continued to get updates on "Buttons" progress and great improvements and somewhere along the way, we fell in love:

Yesterday morning, we got the most wonderful news!!! He is going to be our little boy!!!!!! We still have a stressful and emotional process to get through, but we will be counting the days until we get to bring him home:)

Because I am sure you are curious, the bump on his eye is a hemangioma which will eventually go away on its own. It's not harmful; it just makes him look tough ;)

And, the bump on his head is a shunt. One of the complications of his prematurity was a brain bleed which led to hydrocephalus, so the shunt allows the fluid to drain from his brain properly.

We are cautiously excited that this will all work out and we'll get to be with him soon; but we know that God has a wonderful plan, so no matter what happens, it will be for the best.

Big Snow

We have had a ton of snow this year; it's just been one big storm after another. I was in my parents backyard today and had to snap these pictures because I've never seen it like this:

Needless to say, I am ready for spring...but I think it might be a while :(

Call Me Crazy

I'm sure that some experienced mothers will think I'm crazy for this, but I've decided to try cloth diapers with our baby. Initially, I wouldn't have begun to consider cloth diapers because I was picturing a rectangle piece of fabric loosely safety-pinned togehter. Then, I discovered these and I changed my mind. I'm not a huge environmentalist, but this just seemed so practical and I do like doing what I can to avoid overpopulating the world's landfills. These cloth diapers will also end up saving Lance and I a pretty penny. We will have more than we will probably need for about $350 which is a whole lot less than what it would cost to buy disposables for the whole time our baby is in diapers. Not to mention, we should be able to re-use most of the diapers with any future children so it will just save us that much more. Plus...they come in all sorts of cute colors- who can argue with that :)

5K. Check.

My running buddy and I ran in a 5K today and we are both pretty much feeling like rock stars right now!!! We have a long way to go to get to a 1/2 marathon, but we've come a long way since we started running and today's run was a great motivator to keep pushing! Here are a couple of pics from our run:

Christy and I before the race.

And After.

Our friends John and Chloe met up with us too, which made it that much more fun :)

No Turning Back Now

I started running right after Thanksgiving with the goal of completing a half marathon in May. I will be running my first race this Saturday, the Valentines Day 5K! I'm definitely nervous, but the plan is to work my way up to a half marathon over the next few months, so here's my schedule:

February 13th- Valentines Day 5k
February 27th- FLC 5K
March-10K
April 24- Pueblo to Pueblo 11 Mile Run
May 1- Shiprock 10K
May 9- Colorado 1/2 Marathon

I have a running-buddy that will be running with me on Saturday, so hopefully that will make it a little less scary. I've been running on the track at the rec center since it's been so snowy, but yesterday I tried running outside for the first time- Oh my, it is a lot harder! I started my run from my parents house which is at the top of a hill so no matter which way you go, you have to run up a hill at the end and I thought I might die by the time I turned into my parents driveway!!!

Hopefully my knees will hold up and I will have completed my first 1/2 Marathon come May :)

I Guess It's Just Me

I watched the movie Bride Wars several months back and I assumed it was the Clomid I was taking at the time that made me get so emotional.

I watched it again tonight, and I wasn't on any hormone altering drugs, but I cried just as much as I did the first time I saw it.

I guess I can't blame Clomid for that one ;)

Sometimes it's not fair, it's better than fair.

This post has been rattling around in my head for a while now, but I wasn't exactly sure how to go about it. I finally know where I want to go with it, so here it is:

When I was a little girl, I was lucky enough to get to spend quite a bit of time with my grandma, Honey. Honey has 6 kids, but she always told me she would have had more if the Dr. would have let her. Maybe this is what made me decide that I wanted 12 kids some day, I don't know? (We're thinking three or four kids sounds like a better idea these days ;)

Like most kids, I had a few different career aspirations over the years. For a while, I wanted to be a waitress (I knew how to dream big) and then I wanted to be a nurse like my grandma. Good thing I didn't choose that path considering I can't stand the sight of blood and I pass out if I see a needle! After the 1996 summer Olympics, I decided I wanted to be a gymnast so I could be like Atlanta's Magnificent Seven- Dominique Moceanu, Kerri Strug- you know who I'm talking about. My dad humored me and let me bring a 2x4 in from the garage to be my balance beam. These dreams came and went, but I always knew that I just wanted to be a mother.

In high school, if asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would have told you that I wanted to be a "soccer-mom". My class mates wanted to be doctors, and professional athletes and marine biologists...but not me. I just wanted to be a mom.

Fast forward about eight years to today. Here I am, still longing to be a mother. I know we're not supposed to understand everything and that God has a plan bigger than us, but I can't help but wonder why the girl who dreamed of being a mother from childhood is having such a hard time, yet it seems to come so easy to others-some that don't even want kids.

This weekend, we had a training. Lance and I, two people who want nothing more than to become parents, have to complete about 25 hours of training. At the training, I have to admit that I felt a little bit like we were being punished for not being able to have kids the old fashioned way. I definitely think the training was useful and I'm glad we went, but through this whole adoption process, I have felt as though we are being punished. Any random person can get pregnant whether they are going to be a good parent or not, but Lance and I, who have taken all the steps to do this the "right" way, have to go through endless hours of trainings, and multiple screenings and evaluations to make sure we are not criminals or crazy and then wait for an unknown amount of time before we will be "good-enough" to be parents.

Like I said, I've struggled with all of this, and I still do, but I think I'm starting to understand what God is doing in our lives. We always said we wanted to adopt some day, but would we have really done it if we were able to have biological children? I wish I knew the answer would be yes; but after seeing what a time consuming, and let's not forget, expensive process it is, we may have looked into it and decided not to go down that road.

I have also developed a compassion for all of these children. I have to admit that orphans didn't really cross my mind too often. Now, not a day goes by that I don't think about all of those children out there who have no family to call their own. These kids are so scared that they might not get another meal, that they gorge themselves to the point of vomiting, or they dig in the trash to find food because they are so afraid that they will starve.

I have also had the opportunity to talk to a mother who was planning on giving her baby up, and a mother who had her children taken away while she got her life in order. These two ladies gave me a whole new perspective on what it means to give your child up or have your children taken away. They were girls, just like me, who made choices that caused them to not be able to take care of their children. I also realized that these women didn't know any better and didn't have a support system to help them through the hard times. I can't imagine being in that position and I understand now, that it's not as black and white as I once thought.

I guess the bottom line is that it hasn't been easy, and sometimes I still get frustrated about the way it has worked out, but I know that this whole experience has been life changing in a good way, so how can I not be thankful for the way that it happened?