Sunday, May 9, 2010

My Heart Overflows

I've never experienced Mother's Day as a mother before so I didn't really know what to expect. I didn't really think it would feel that different from any other day, but it was much more emotional than I could have imagined.

I checked my blog this morning and read this blogger's post about Mother's Day and had to fight the tears back. Then I checked my facebook and had many sweet messages, but one in particular that brought tears to my eyes that I couldn't contain. Lance bought me a sweet card, I was given a Mother's Day boutonniere at church, and my brother-in-law made a great meal for the whole family giving us ladies a break :) Even my adorable nephew (he's 3) called to wish me a Happy Mother's Day!

All of these gestures were so sweet and made my day special, but the full feeling in my heart is the best gift of all. I just think about being Caysen's mother and my heart feels like it could burst. The love I feel for our sweet boy is far beyond anything I could have ever imagined!

We haven't even met Caysen yet, but I already understand what women are talking about when they say they fall even more in love with their husbands watching them be a "daddy". The things that Lance does and says make me look at him in a whole different light and he seems even more amazing than I had realized before.

I also thought a lot about Caysen's birth mother today and wondered if she thinks about him often, or if it just hurts too much. I can't imagine being in her position and I just pray for peace for her in the decision she made. It could not have been easy to make that decision, but I know it took a lot of strength, courage and selfless love to do it. I feel like our lives are forever intertwined and even though I've never met her, I care deeply for her and I hope that she can find peace in knowing that Caysen is and always will be loved more than words can express.

Something else that crossed my mind more than once are those women who want so badly to be a mother, but can't. I know first hand that it REALLY hurts and this day comes with mixed emotions for those who long for a child. I do know that God has a beautiful plan, and though it takes lots and lots of patience and it doesn't seem fair at times, it will all be worth it when you see his plan unfold.

My heart feels so incredibly full and this has been a wonderful day. And if all of this wasn't enough, we came home tonight to several new pictures and even a couple of videos. It's pretty late and I need to get to bed, but I'll be posting new pics. and our first videos soon :)

I hope everyone else had a beautiful day!!!

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