Monday, January 11, 2010

I Will Be a "Different" Mother

I found this poem online a while back and it says it better than I ever could:

There are women who become mothers without effort
without thought, without patience, or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money or
because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have
appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their

I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to
the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold
and feed him and that I am not waking to take another
temperature, pop another pill, take another shot, or cry
tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me
this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon
my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child
that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am
a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor,
friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know dillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my
own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many
never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from
their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I seet it,
mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it
less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand
holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they
learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.

I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking
in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

-Author Unknown

The only thing I would change is that in the beginning, it says "I will be a better mother" and I wouldn't necessarily say it like that, because I know some WONDERFUL mothers who didn't go through what Lance and I have. Instead, I think I would say "I will be a different mother." I will have a different perspective than I would have, had we not gone through everything we did, but I don't necessarily think it will make me better than other mothers out there who didn't go through the same things, just better than I would have otherwise been.

And I also must give credit to God. Yes, I prevailed, I succeeded, I won (or at least we're getting there)...but only because of God.


GraceySmiles said...

What a great poem. You know you are a GREAT SISTER, wife, daughter, friend, & neighbor. You WILL be great parents... You are not made for something that God hasn't planned for you. Be ready for His plan.

Rebecca said...

Hi,Leslie! I don't think we've met but I know you and all of Lance's family through church. :) I saw your blog on Kalina's list and just read your story. I'm very happy for you and your plans for adoption! We have also adopted and our little girl is now 18 months old. This poem made me cry because I very much relate to it. I feel like I don't take most things for granted with our Abby because she came to us in a very special way! :) You'll be in my prayers!! :)