I found this poem online a while back and it says it better than I ever could:
There are women who become mothers without effort
without thought, without patience, or loss,
and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money or
because I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have
appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
explore and discover.
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to
the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold
and feed him and that I am not waking to take another
temperature, pop another pill, take another shot, or cry
tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me
this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child
that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am
a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor,
friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know dillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my
own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many
never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from
their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I seet it,
mourn it, and join them in theirs.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it
I have learned the immense power of another hand
holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they
learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking
in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
The only thing I would change is that in the beginning, it says "I will be a better mother" and I wouldn't necessarily say it like that, because I know some WONDERFUL mothers who didn't go through what Lance and I have. Instead, I think I would say "I will be a different mother." I will have a different perspective than I would have, had we not gone through everything we did, but I don't necessarily think it will make me better than other mothers out there who didn't go through the same things, just better than I would have otherwise been.
And I also must give credit to God. Yes, I prevailed, I succeeded, I won (or at least we're getting there)...but only because of God.
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